Dorks, dweebs unite - student makes case for geeks everywhere

Nerd, dork, dweeb. Any way you put it, all insults of such a nature spell L-O-S-E-R. Well, to be quite honest with you, that would also spell M-E. I've been a nerd as far back as I can remember.

With my parents being teachers, I got flash cards at bedtime instead of being allowed to watch "Full House". If my babysitter had not let me see Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, I would have been merely a book nerd instead of an all-around nerd. I know I am not the only kid who went to Civil War battlefields on vacation, but I may be the only kid who at 9 years old prided myself on knowing all of Abe Lincoln's biography and most of the X-men, of whom there are a couple hundred.

Today, it's cool to be the smart nerd who makes all the money and doesn't look like they've been soaked in a vat of grease. Still there are a few of us un-cool ones left, if you can believe it-the ones who spent the junior high years locked in their rooms pouring over video games, comic books, movies or albums.

Our whole lives were spent avoiding social gatherings like sports events (unless I was playing in them,) dances (I only went to my senior prom,) and of course, dates (until college I had only been on two, both were blind dates.) Not unlike other people, once dorks get to college we let down our hair a little going to parties and bars. Most of these events were Halo parties and salad bars.

Nonetheless, I stand firm in saying I am proud to be a nerd or dork, if you will. I know without a doubt that when I play against my friends at any trivia game, I will win. Hell, if I wanted, I could go on a game show and make my retirement in 30 minutes.

If I ever became a "D" list celebrity, I'd be a staple on VH1's stupid "I Love" shows, because of all the crazy obscure crap I know. Since most of my friends in grade school I met in Gifted and Talented and Advanced Placement classes, I have connections to free accounting, legal representation and action figures. Not to mention that if I want to I can talk to just about anyone about anything, thanks to being well-read.

Speaking of books, it's no surprise that I'm also a huge Tolkien fan, but not just any nerdy fan. I've even read the "Silmarillion: Mitos Y Leyendas De La Tierra Media" the lesser-known history of middle earth. That's right, if you were thinking that there is a little nerd in everyone for liking "Lord of the Rings," you were wrong. LOTR is just the tip of the iceberg, my friend. Every year on Tolkien's birthday, nerds congregate at his grave to read and sing in Elvish, the language old J.R.R. invented for his books. I, however, am not financially able to fly to England, so only in my dreams will I go-for now.

See, the myth that everyone's a nerd or has a nerdy part to them is a total fabrication. It takes years to be a nerd; it's a way of life that is with you since birth. And while, you can go to the gym, take up drinking and deny your nerdy past to be part of the masses, the masses cannot become nerds no matter how hard they study Aleister Crowley (which is not a recommendation due to his ties to Satan.) Also, thanks to the innovations of the 21st century, geeks are expanding in nature, such as the little know sports geek (non-jock) like my mom who knows every batting average ever. She knows more about baseball than Harry Carry ever did. There's even the alcohol dweeb who knows where rum is from just by its coloring. Not to mention the legions of car geeks and outdoorsy Boy Scout types.

Theater geeks aren't really claimed by the rest of us, because even we have to be better than someone. Drama nerds aside, there is a broad spectrum of total losers alike , and we're not stopping there. I was spawned by nerds, and I plan to make a few of my own, who will listen Weezer and like it. Oh yes, there are still nerds yet to come who, like myself, will proudly claim to be so, quote "Teen Wolf", and visit www.chucknorrisfacts.com.

As far as I'm concerned, N-E-R-D spells B-A-D M-O-F-O.

Heather Burns is a management senior from Lancaster.