One Christian's view of sex before marriage

If someone were to ask how to define true love, what would you say? A common response would be, “The One.” Your true love is the one person who was put on this earth for you and you alone. He or she is the one that you love with every piece of your heart, inch of your soul and ounce of energy you have. Also, he or she loves you in the same exact way.

In recent years, churches around the country have decided to incorporate the True Love Waits program into teachings for their youth. This program was started in 1994, and has called many teens and college students to abstinence until marriage. It means to abstain from sex, oral sex and lustful thoughts, and to remain pure for their future spouses. The first response to this mission statement is, “These people are freaking nuts!” or “These people are stupid.” It is a radical calling that is not for everyone, but there is something more that lies beneath, something below surface level that you can’t experience at first glance as to why these people take on a vow of abstinence until marriage.

The person who you spend the rest of your life with should be your husband or wife, your one true love. Okay, so you may be asking why should it matter if I save myself for him or her, or not? To some, sex is just an act that to do for fun and for temporary pleasure. To others like myself, it’s more than that. It’s becoming one in the flesh with your partner. According to Genesis 2:24, “A man will leave his father and mother, and be united with his wife and they will become one flesh.” Whether or not you are a devout Christian or someone on the other end of the spectrum, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that a man and a woman become one when they have sex. The penis enters in the vagina, therefore a man is inside the woman. Also, they will share bodily fluids. So essentially, you are one with your partner.

So now that you’re one with your partner, understand that to some people this is a huge deal. For Christians, the marriage bed is not something that you take lightly. Because Christians believe that God intends for one man and one woman to be one in the flesh means you don’t compromise your purity for anyone until you are married. To Christians, it is a sin, a.k.a., a big no-no.

Save sex for marriage to avoid pregnancy and STD’s. Check. But why does purity matter? In cultures of the old world and still many today, a virgin is precious and of much value. Women especially would not even look at another man, and on the wedding night, she would truly belong to her husband. Pure, clean and touched by no other.

This past summer, I had the privilege of reading “When God Writes Your Love Story,” by Eric and Leslie Ludy. This couple encourages people to let God take control of their love life. The Ludy’s challenge people of all ages to wait, and prepare their hearts for their future husband or wife that God set aside for them. I realize that not everyone believes the same thing as the writers, and they may think the idea of the book is completely heinous.

However, in one portion of this book, Leslie makes a point worth speaking of. She describes a person’s heart as a precious pearl or a beautiful treasure. According to Leslie, your heart is the most precious gift that you could ever give to another. It contains emotions, secrets, desires and love. It is something that should be saved for your spouse and no one else. Think of every relationship that you have ever been in, when your heart was broken or you shared moments of intimacy with your partner. Every time you did that, you gave a piece of your heart to that person, and you can never get it back. Over time, it’s chipped and tarnished to the point that all you have to give to your spouse is a horrific piece of junk that comes with a lot of baggage. While your spouse will still love and cherish you, that was not the best gift you could give to them, is it? This is the person you love and can’t live without, so wouldn’t you want to give them all that you could?

Another argument is that the more sexual experience you or your partner have, the more you’ll be able to please each other. Fair enough, but think of how many people your partner has slept with. Put yourself in their shoes and ask the same question. It has been said that when you have sex with someone, you are having sex with every person they have ever been with. Eeew! Not only should that be a little frightening, but there should be some feelings of jealousy. Imagine your partner, or future spouse, and the people they have been with that were not you. Someone else has kissed, felt, groped, touched, desired and become one with your love. That would make me incredibly jealous and break my heart.

There are so many reasons to abstain from sex until marriage. Your heart is on the line, your spouse’s heart is on the line, it saves you from STD’s and pregnancy, and it will up the standards of today’s generation which has sank to a different level.