COLUMN: My antlered antagonist

If you live in East Texas, chances are you’ve encountered a deer. If you haven’tyou are one of the lucky ones. I seem to have the worst luck when it comes to deer in East Texas because out of all the places I could have encountered one, it was on North Street.  

Let's get one thing clear – the deer hit me and not the other way around. I saw that thing hesitating before it stepped in front of me. If anything, I’m the victim here. What kind of deer hangs out on North Street? Sure, it was dark, but it's still one of the busiest roads in Nacogdoches. If it had happened on country dirt road, I wouldn’t be so mad. But I was just trying to get back to my dorm room, and the deer attacked me. 

The point isdeer are stupid, especially deer in Nacogdoches. I’ve never encountered a deer before moving here, but almost every month I hear of someone hitting a deer. I’ve never even been in a wreck, so you know I’m a great driver. But deer have ruined driving records for me and a lot of other people.  

And ideer are not getting hit, they’re too blind to see hunters dressed in camouflage in the woods. I know that animals aren’t supposed to be super intelligent, but you’d think that since they have eyes, they’d see a bright red car coming towards them. I wish I knew the science behind deer brains because maybe I wouldn’t hate them so much right now.  

I used to hate snakes and spiders the most, but deer have taken the crown for the worst animal in the world. I won’t have my car for a month while we take it to get fixed because of their tiny, stupid brains. 

To all hunters everywhere: do better at hunting deer.  

Sincerely,  

girl who cried because a deer made her car ugly and made her have a panic attack in the parking lot of a car wash.  

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